04.21.14

leisure time

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:21 pm by Administrator

it’s strange for me to consider that once upon a time i couldn’t wait to have an evening away from my kids. nowadays, i struggle to find reasons to get out of the house on evenings or weekends.

this has something to do with the fact that i have a lot less energy than i used to. watching a late night movie can be physically punishing for me, for days. i’ve written about this previously. i have to get my 8 hours of sleep and my morning run. i can’t sustain my daily pace at work otherwise.

it also has something to do with how my attitude toward my kids is changing. my son is more fun to hang around with than he was at the age of 3. my daughter is more fun to watch than my son was at her age. of course, this has nothing to do with how intrinsically interesting they are. i’ve changed. i’ve been “broken in”, so to speak. i’m more attuned now to the thoughts and feelings of the little people, and even when i’m not actively playing with them, i like being around the noise and the conversations that they participate in. it’s the extrovert in me; i feel good when they are around.

and all of this also has to do with how hard it is becoming for me to be genuinely entertained when i’m out and about. it used to be easy. watching any old movie, dropping in on a newfangled bar or restaurant, or just walking in an unfamiliar part of town—that used to be an interesting if not important kind of diversion for me. now, i find myself constantly weighing the risk of boredom. it is much harder for me to be diverted than i once was. and i find this true even in my moments of private reflection. i used to get carried away in ruminations or imaginations, but nowadays, particularly in those moments before sleep, i often find myself stranded at the precipice of thought.

have i lost interest in things? or were they never really very interesting to begin with? it’s the question i ask nowadays.

Leave a Comment